Why taking is the greatest gift

This past weekend I was on a very special gathering, a truly delicate orchestration on many levels, a transformational festival indeed.
My original commitment as a cocreator was to contribute as a professor hosting a workshop. „I have a deeper commitment“, was what I was about to find out.

Immediately after setting foot on the premise I received a lot of information about the festival site. The history of war, torture, pain, cruelty and despair this old fortress had been a stage for for so many centuries. Without knowing any historical details about this place, the spirits were telling more than any history book could reveal.

For the first night I set the following intention: „I want to learn that sometimes taking („nehmen“ in German) is the greatest gift.“

Being so open for the pain, the suffering and everything that this piece of land bore witness to and still screams so loudly from every vessel of water, from every piece of soil, every rock and tree I had a revelation: „Sometimes taking IN/accepting („ANnehmen“ in German) is the greatest gift.“ I realized deeper than ever before the universal truth, that only by accepting that which has happened or still is, it can really change.

„Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.“ – Jack Kornfield

How big do our hearts have to become to embrace this intensity, this horror? Mine felt like it almost bursted by the pain. To allow myself to open so deeply to feel the love behind all this was just as much as I could take this weekend. But I did. I really opened myself. I felt the whole spectrum. The infinite abundance, joy and ecstasy beyond measure – as well as the deepest and most desperate darkness, a darkness that cannot be comprehended by the mind, a pain that cannot be held by a heart that has not cracked open.

And by accepting I felt how healing can happen. For myself and the whole contradicting spectrum of emotions that I have inside myself. The hidden and judged ones especially. But also for this place. It was like a ceremony that we celebrated together.

The question that arose in me was: How could any soul ever agree to the acts that charged this place in the past? What would be worth such horror?

The past is over

And I shiver by the thought of it, but the one thing that comes to me is, that we all agreed to meet again at this place – torturers and victims, castoffs and royals, cripples and heroes – and fall into each others arms to tell us that we love each other and it was all just a game, a play, a truly convincing theater in the game of life. And that it’s over now. And it’s time to celebrate and enjoy our lives.

The way people were dressed, I could clearly see the representatives from the past, the archetypes and the roles shaped so obviously.

To identify with both the victim and the perpetrator, to realize that it has always been me, that I still have the emotions and thoughts in me and to play with it consciously now is the greatest healing I can imagine. And it hurts, my vessels are stretched to the limit. But I feel change happening. And the pain slowly fades. Gratitude, awe and humility stay.

I have a deeper commitment

On Saturday, there was a wedding ceremony. I was touched deeply because I saw that the commitment that was made between the bride and the groom was more than a man marrying a woman. „I have a deeper commitment“ was one of the repeating elements in the wedding vows. A commitment beyond two individuals. A commitment beyond a lifetime. A commitment beyond our definition of romantic love.

I felt how the commitment to never lose touch with that last spark of love and consciousness even in the darkest places filled the space. A love that is so deep, that even the victim embraces it’s torturer, sees him for he really is and the torturer feels the love for the victim while he swings the whip. That there is a – however tiny – bit of witnessing consciousness present in these moments that is fully accepting and loving what is. Not identified with the roles. Truly accepting and feeling the intensity. So that it can be released for a new story to emerge.

And that new story is also a new story of men and women. A reunion and forgiving of the masculine and the feminine. A redemption to balance what was in imbalance.

On the last day I stood on the dance floor, filled with the experiences and tired from sleep deprivation. I allowed my heart once more to really open to all there was present. I felt the light expanding above my navel and the pressure was almost to much to bare. I deepened my breathing and soaked in all the pain that I could hold. And then with the beginning of the beat, I sent the light out all over the whole premise charged with pure joy and ecstasy, transformed through a love that is bigger than me.

Let’s dance a new dance together, let’s celebrate life in all it’s richness and create here on earth what we all have been longing for so long.