Awakening from our illusions
The past weeks have been enormously challenging for me. After Christmas I was in a very vulnerable state and a lot of old emotions, deep sadness and pain surfaced. Overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings I was about to contract and hide – my well-worn strategy of going into the victim that has served me for a long time. But in recent years it has created so much pain and suffering and barley fulfilled my needs for belonging and safety anymore – or at least for a too high price to pay.
And I was also confronted with the realization, that my capacity for self love is still limited, when it comes to certain emotions and states that I find myself in. Allowing that realization opened up a deep well of sadness and some relieving sessions of sobbing and crying my eyes out. And it created the intention that I truly wanted to learn how to love, forgive and take care of myself. I was longing for the experience of being worthy of being taken care of by myself.
Not falling back to the strategy of emphasizing towards myself and others that I just cannot possibly take care of myself and my worldly needs I confronted my biggest fear: being fully responsible and realizing that I do have the power to create my reality by choosing my way of relating to the world.
I created a discipline and structure that supported me tremendously. I went against my resistance and exhaustion and got up after 8h of sleep. The first two hours of the day are holy and reserved for my morning routine: Yoga, meditation, lemon water, shower, self-massage, healthy breakfast. I was extra diligent when it comes to nutrition and making sure to nourish myself with healthy meals regularly, giving thanks and eating mindfully every time. And I went out to clients doing my work, even though I was often scared of being seen in this state.
I noticed that even while I was doing my work, this voice inside my head was saying: „This is too much, I can’t do it!“ That was the moment I realized I have the choice to believe what this voice is saying – or look at the evident fact that I was and apparently can do it anyways.
Looking back at these first days of the year I am deeply grateful and feeling a depth of self love like I have never felt before. I can really take care of myself! I can be alone with myself. But most importantly: I have so many amazing people in my life who love me with all of it and at times more than I love myself. Showing myself vulnerably, sharing my story and feelings with them and witnessing their appreciation – truly opening up for the possibility that they really mean it – made me trust in their love and the possibility that I am welcome just the way I am – without any masks of accomplishment and success.
I am deeply grateful for everyone I am sharing this path with. There are exciting times ahead of us and I feel called more than ever to play my humble part in the collective awakening, supporting each other on our way home. This is the time to rise beyond our fears, face our shadows and do the sincere inner work that is required to finally arrive where we have always been. We are invited to realize that who we are in our essence is exactly who we are meant to be and we have the sacred duty to live our souls desires without hiding anymore. Right here. Right now.
My compassion goes out to all beings in this world – especially those who are going through rough times these days. I know how it feels. I feel you. If you ever need anything – I am here.
I love you.
Photo Credits: Oliver Sigloch